Trying to find my new normal

I am having a good moment and thought I would go ahead and  write a little. I feel like I lost my baby almost because God knew I would do anything to be with my baby again some day. I am being drawn closer to God . I want to do even better. I want to be the best follower of Christ I can be. I am not perfect but I want to try my best!  I want to use my time wisely and read the word and pray often. I want to raise my kids to love and serve the Lord. I was always trying but now I need to do even better. It may not be the reason why my baby is now an angel but I will work hard just in case. 

I wondered how does anyone ever move past something like this or how to I get to the other side of this mountain?  Well I have figured out you don't.

Hopefully I will be able to continue to update you about my walk in this valley but I want to add so uplifting and encouraging words also.

With having 4 other children- 3 teenagers and a toddler- life gets busy, which can be good because it make life move on. I don't stop some days. I know my mind goes back to my angel a lot but as I keep moving it helps me to not get stuck. I have plenty of moments to cry it out. And I take those moments! But I also want to make the most out of the life here on earth. I know Baby Tiny is OK. I mean he or she is sitting in the lap of the Lord! So I need to do what I can do to teach my other kids about Jesus! 

Christmas with out my angel baby- It was a very emotional day. I kept feeling overwhelming sadness. I wanted to be pregnant with my little angel. I held it while my kids opened their gifts but after I broke down and it was uncontrollable. I ended up going into the shower and had a good cry while having it out with God!!! I was upset and down right mad! It's not fair (when I get into this mindset nothing makes sense) I felt like a child throwing a tantrum but I didn't care. I wanted to be pregnant so I will be able to have my baby. I want to be able to hold my baby this summer. I was able to eventually pull myself together, make dinner and a cake and cupcakes. With the help of my 2 yr old. We sang Happy Birthday to Jesus and had a pretty good evening!