Baby Tiny's heart breaking story

I was so excited on November 8th (my birthday) when I found I was pregnant for my 5th baby.

 We couldn't go see the doctor until November 19th. I went and brought all 4 of my other kids and my husband. I did have the kids wait in the waiting room. I was so excited! I was hoping for an ultrasound! I wasn't sure how far along since my periods are always so weird. I went in thinking- okay I am either 14 weeks or 7 weeks. Well I guess it was closer to 7 weeks because they ended up doing an ultrasound and then an internal ultrasound. The doctor couldn't find the heartbeat or the baby. I was absolutely stunned! What!!! How???? Why??? What can this mean?I was feeling so good. But a little more nauseous than my other pregnancies. So we scheduled another appointment for Dec. 3rd. Well we had to go through Thanksgiving and everyday was so long. Not knowing what was going on with the baby inside me. When we got there (and I chose not to bring the other kids this time) I felt really good! The "morning sickness" feeling had pretty much went away. I couldn't wait until they called my name, they took me straight to the ultrasound room. The ultrasound tech once again had a puzzled look on her face. She had found the baby but it was measuring a couple weeks earlier than my sac did. She said I am going to get the doctor. My husband and I looked at each other and he said something is wrong isn't it. I said that's what it feels like. The doctor came in and like the 1st appointment started telling us she didn't feel like this baby was going to make it.  Well we went for blood work and then 2 days later went back for blood work again. That night I realized while we were out earlier in the day the doctor had left us a voice mail. So I immediately  call her at the number. When I was able to talk to her I put the phone on speaker phone because my husband was there, She said my hcg levels dropped drastically. They went from 43,000 to 33,000 in two days. And once again she was talking to me about abnormal pregnancy and how this baby had a very low chance to live. Of coarse this was very hard to hear. We all have been praying basically since we found out I was pregnant. A lot of other people have been too! Well from that point I put it everywhere.... Prayers for baby "Tiny" which is the name our 2 yr old gave the baby when we explained to her she was going to be a big sister. The doctor told me on the phone that evening that she would have her office call me 1st thing Monday morning to schedule more blood work and another appointment to see her and have another ultrasound.

Well Monday morning I was waiting eagerly. The office never called so I called them. I left a message then I called and left two more messages. I must say while sitting on pins and needles it is torture. So it wasn't until Tuesday when they called me. The lady on the phone said I could come in for an appointment the following Tuesday. She also said she would have to call me back about the ultrasound time since it must be done at the hospital this time. So at least I had my next day to wish it was. So Wed. I got another call from the doctors office and they said I could be seen on Friday. I was excited and said OK instead of coming in on Tuesday I will see you Fri. Then she stopped me in my tracks and said oh you already have an appointment. I said yes but I will come in earlier. She said no no you already have an appointment. See you next week. I was at a loss with words. OK well waiting is continuing. Before hanging up with the woman on the phone I asked about blood work and the ultrasound. She had no answers for me. She would have to call me back. (big sigh) I felt like the doctor was very concerned when I was on the phone Saturday so why was I getting the run around here. I felt like she had lost hope for my baby Tiny. I finally talked to someone on Friday and was told I had an appointment at the hospital for the ultrasound the same Tuesday as my appointment to see the doctor. I asked once again about blood work but still no answers. So I wait through the weekend and continue to pray and try to stay positive. I talked to baby Tiny very often. Telling him or her to really focus on growing and getting that tiny heart to beat big and loud! All of our family and friends were praying.So Monday came and I still didn't hear from the doctor about the blood work so I called and they called me in a script to the hospital lab and I headed over to get that done right away because I wanted to have those results for the appointment on Tuesday. On Tuesday morning I realize I was spotting but I kept hope that it was still going to be ok. But when we went to ultrasound, I knew the baby was gone.

I was obviously in the miscarriage process. When we went into the doctor after that God gave me a overcoming peace. She confirmed everything with the blood work results. My level were now down to 9,000. The next step was to figure out what was next. We chose to go ahead and accept the medication to help the process along a little faster. I had already started feeling pretty yucky all day and with the spotting it just made things more uncomfortable. To make a long story shorter after we got the prescription we went home to tell the other kids. It hurt but at the same time it wasn't a complete shock. It didn't make it any less sad though. We all expressed our sadness in our own ways and we all tried to remember to be sensitive to each other.That night I made sure I read the prescription and did it all exactly the way it said. That evening was exhausting. I had been doing more than my share of crying and praying.

It was a rough night of cramps, tossing and turning, and running to the bathroom. I was also trying to stay hydrated. Meanwhile my husband has been having a lot of sleeping issues with this night being no exception. He had to be up the next morning by 5 am. At 4:30 am I realized he was still awake and worrying a lot about me. I assured him I was going to be OK and he got ready for work. 

(Some details were removed for time sake) 

Look for future updates on our walk through this valley. 
I hope that me sharing my story- it may give some comfort to other who may be walking through similar situations. Keep hope! Don't worry about things out of your control! Even though it didn't go the way we wanted, we have kept our faith. Remember how BIG God is! With God all things are possible!